Not So Random Thoughts On: How Pregnancy Changes Friendships

​8 months into this pregnancy and I never would’ve guessed I’d feel so lonely. Prior to finding out I was pregnant, I was social. I attended parties. I went out dancing once a month at clubs and bars. I spent an hour or two on the phone with friends. I listened. I reached out. I was always there. Always down to hang out. Always willing to support a friend.

Pregnancy has changed me. It’s not that I don’t want to still be a social butterfly; my wings are just tired.

By 8:30, I’m ready to call it a night. Early morning and/or midday naps are a godsend. Shortness of breath makes it a struggle to hold long conversations. Sitting or standing for extended lengths of time hurts my body.

I thought going through this experience would bring me and my friends closer. I thought I had an amazing network of friends who were thoughtful and supportive and would be with me every step of the way. I was wrong.

I’ve been accused of not being around and of being cold when I was simply setting boundaries. I’ve basically been told, “I miss the old you.” How hurtful to feel so alone in this experience and have people you love project their insecurities and expectations on you.

I can’t be the shoulder to lean on right now. I would love to, but I can’t. And it hurts to have to accept that reciprocity is not there. Now, when I need support and understanding and care the most, now I find myself slowly, but surely, crossing names off my “Support Squad” list.

I don’t need to feel guilty for not being at anyone’s beck and call. I don’t need to be stressed when someone disregards boundaries I’ve set. I don’t need to feel like “Pregnant Jenise” isn’t as cool as “Party Jenise”.

“Pregnant Jenise” is fucking funny, and sassy, and cool, and you would know that if you ever gave her a chance.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m extremely grateful for the ones who have stood by me since day one of this journey. I am beyond blessed to have people who text me simply because they’re thinking of me and the baby. People who want to hang out and laugh with me. People who offer support instead of opinions.

But, I’m still sad about the ones who don’t bother to call or don’t understand where I’m coming from or who expect me to be the same giver I was before.

I’m not that person anymore. And I’m just going to continue to evolve once Baby Jelly is here.

And if that bothers you or you feel “left out” or “ignored”… well, that’s not really my problem, is it?

You can’t be my priority now. If you don’t like that, that kinda sucks for you.

“Keep It Light, Love” Newsletter: Volume 1, Issue 2, December 2016

Let’s Talk About: Acceptance and Reflection

“New Year, New You!” Really?

As the new year approaches, we are confronted with a barrage of voices telling us we have to change. NOW!

We have to start exercising NOW. Start eating better NOW. Start working on our goals NOW. And if we don’t start now, we should feel shame as we watch everyone else go out and get what life has to offer. And if we start and stop, we are failures, and we probably didn’t really want it anyway.

Well, that’s just bullshit.

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“Keep It Light, Love” Newsletter: Volume 1, Issue 1, November 2016

Let’s Talk About: Home

“You are my home; I will always come back to you.”

The holiday season is meant to evoke feelings of love, comfort, and connection; but, that isn’t always the case for everyone. Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) can also occur during these longer, darker days, leading to feelings of sadness and isolation. And this time of year can be particularly difficult for anyone who 1) lives far away from home and can’t visit, 2) has a strained or difficult family dynamic, 3) live alone, and/or 4) has a history of mood disorders including SAD. I, as luck would have it, fall into three of these four categories.

Home, for me, is not a place, and it hasn’t been for a long time. Home is people.

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Lyrically Speaking: “friends… how many of us have them?”

“Now, you can look the word up again and again, but the dictionary doesn’t know the meaning of ‘friends’.”*

I’ve been thinking a lot about friendship. I was once told, “You give titles away too easily,” and I was offended. But, they were right. I do.

Well, I did.

Continue reading “Lyrically Speaking: “friends… how many of us have them?””

On Grieving A Relationship That Ended Because Life Happens

There are so many articles that have been written for people who are dealing with the loss of a friendship due to death or because the relationship was toxic. But, what about the rest of us? Where are our “12 Steps To Get Over A Friendship That You Didn’t Really Want To End Anyway Because It Was Great” articles?

This is not one of those articles. I have no goddamn idea how to get through this and get to a place where I don’t want to listen to Adele and Drake and cry into my organic lemon cookie ice cream. I know that I will get to a point where I can function as a “normal” member of society. Today is not that day. Today, I am grieving. And that’s okay. And here’s why…

Continue reading “On Grieving A Relationship That Ended Because Life Happens”