Not So Random Thoughts On: Doing It Anyway

via FB page "Personality Disorders Awareness Network (PDAN)

How accurate is this?!

A few days ago, I was feeling overwhelmed while walking around Target. I passed by this guy whose young child was laying on the ground crying.

He was speaking so soothingly to her. They ended up behind me in the checkout line. He took her from the cart and held her as she continued to cry. I quietly pulled my hood on my head. When she saw my horns (it’s a Loki helmet jacket), she smiled and laughed as he continued to speak soothingly to her about my horns.

While he was distracted with her, I quietly asked the cashier to include his purchase with mine and paid for it. As soon as the transaction was complete, I practically ran to the car before he could speak to me. Because… you know… overwhelmed and social anxiety. So, I basically did a good deed, then hightailed it as far away from other humans as I could.

There are days like today* where I just want to curl up on the couch alone while also wanting a friend to come sit with me. Days like yesterday where it takes forever for me to buy a gift because I worry it’s not good enough. Days where I agree to attend a social event, then spend about an hour pep talking myself into going.

And don’t even get me started on the conflict of knowing I deserve and need to rest, while obsessing about all the things I “should be doing”.

Mental illness… Mental health disorder… Personality disorder… Whatever you want to call it… We all deal with some form of inner conflict. I try my best to not let these conflicts stop me from doing the things I want to do. Even when what I want to do seems to cause me severe anxiety.

Because sometimes, you gotta acknowledge your fear of heights and hop your ass on the zipline anyway…

|*written 3 days ago


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